Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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