had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
