People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
