everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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