I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize