ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
