Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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