Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
