I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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