Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
