butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
