oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize