Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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