The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
