I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I AM VODKA MAN
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize