So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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