I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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