I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
