my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
