Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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