Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
