I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
