My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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