32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize