i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
