She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
