This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
