if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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