I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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