some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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