her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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