I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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