I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
