Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
