Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
