it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
