Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
