Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
