I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
