so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
