So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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