Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
