Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
