Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
