I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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