the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
