girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Panties = found
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
