A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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