her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize