Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
