There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
