I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
