I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
