My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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