we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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