"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's always time for handjobs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize