if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
