it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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