If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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