): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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