I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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