Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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