we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
