Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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