At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
worst night to have a conscience
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
