Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
