Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
